I don’t know why I’m deciding to write a post right now. I guess I have a lot on my mind, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to.
I don’t really know where to start, so I guess I’ll just start and see where it takes me.
I’ve just been feeling kind of lonely lately, just kind of down. Although if you talk to anyone I know, I don’t think they’re even able to tell. Because I don’t really like showing that side of me to people. They get worried about me. I don’t think I’m the only one who’s had it rough in life, but I guess a part of me is jealous of some of the people that I know. Everyone has their problems, and everyone goes through shit, I get it. When it all boils down to it, everything in life is a choice. And the choices I’ve made, have a lot to do with the way I feel right now.
Something that’s been on my mind lately is my future. I know that no matter what happens, I’ll always be okay. I’ll keep following what God wants me to do, but sometimes I guess I just get worried I’ll never get married, or find someone that is perfect for me. I mean, I tell people all the time that there’s someone out there for them, and I know there is. But it’s hard for me to see that for myself. I do so well on my own, even though I get lonely sometimes. I have my cat, and as sad as it sounds, she’s my best friend. And I don’t know what I’ll do when she kicks it, but I don’t like thinking about that. I love that cat. I guess in the end, even if I never got married, I’d still be fine. Because God’s always taken care of me, and when push comes to shove, you come into this world alone and you leave alone. Call it what you want, that’s realistic as fuck.
I don’t know if I want to finish school. I feel like it’s just a huge waste of time. I feel like I’m wasting money, and I’m wasting my life sitting in a classroom and not even learning anything. And what I do, do I really need a degree? Everyone always tell me I could have a bad ass job doing Linux shit, and that’s true. I could, if I could find someone that’s hiring, and would be willing to give me a chance.
Anyway, Gentoo is doing well. I reinstalled my system (again) and I have XFCE 4.10 and the 3.3.0 gentoo-sources. After so many installs, Gentoo just gets easier. I’ve done a lot in the last month or so, because of the netbook being shitty, having to reinstall that 9000 times, and then the desktop, just felt like wiping and starting over. And then helping out people learn how to install it. And then of course explaining USE flags. USE flags make the world go around.
I’ve just been sitting in my room lately, just thinking about life. And everything in life. Sometimes it doesn’t really even feel worth it. I’m not going to kill myself or anything, but I miss Timmy a lot. And I know I always will, but I wish he was still here so I’d have someone to talk to about all this. He was my best friend, and now he’s gone. It’s hard to even imagine that. He was here one day, then just gone. And I know that’s a normal part of life, but he was too young to feel that way, and it was fucking hard for me. He may have stopped his suffering but he left us all here to suffer. And I’m not mad at him anymore, I was for a while, but I fucking miss him so much. It just sucks.
I don’t know. That’s all I can think of right now.
Here have an update.
I have not written in this in about a month, so I guess I should fill you in on my life.
Basically, I haven’t been doing much. Just been talking to a friend from Michigan a lot lately, it’s been nice, working on Gentoo-y things, well Linux-y things as a whole.
I am in the process of reinstalling my system, at least on my desktop. It’s been a bit of a pain in the ass. I dual-boot my desktop with Gentoo and (at this moment in time) Windows 8 Consumer Preview. (I know, I know, but unfortunately being in school I have to run Windows, and believe it or not, I only use what I can legally use for free.) But, unfortunately, Gentoo (for the first time in a long, long time) is giving me issues. Mainly with building the kernel. I usually do a manual configured kernel (it’s not as scary as it sounds 
), but I decided to try and go with Genkernel. It makes a pretty generic kernel for you, has a lot of modules and shit that are just added to make it run basically. It’s giving me issues though. It compiles the kernel, but then when making the initramfs, it fails. I have not figured it out yet, and I am honestly about to just go and manually configure a kernel, because I don’t feel like dealing with all of that.
My netbook (finally up and running again) is running Funtoo (of course). I have grown to really like it. The only thing I don’t like is with Grub. I am used to just:
funtoo anakin # grub
grub> root (hd0,0)
grub> setup (hd0)
grub> quit
But with Funtoo it uses the:
funtoo anakin # grub-install –no-floppy /dev/sda
Which is fine and all, but I like being able to set up /boot/grub/grub.conf myself, but you know, that’s life lol. But overall, Funtoo is really good, I like it. I love Gentoo and anything based on Gentoo. I don’t think that will ever change.
People often ask me, “Why not switch over to Arch, it’s a good distro, a lot like Gentoo.” In my honest opinion, I did not feel like Arch is like Gentoo in the slightest. I feel like I have more control over everything with Gentoo, and Arch was just kind of stupid in my honest opinion.
In the mean time right now, I’m re-emerging glibc. Apparently, after some Googling, that seems to be what I need to do, because whatever error I was getting, people re-emerging glibc, seems to work. So, I can only hope. Because when I ran:
(chroot) gentoo / # emerge glibc
it brought in 15 packages. And it’s rebuilding glibc. So ya know, this will take a while. But after using Gentoo for so long, you learn some patience with it. I just hope it works. The kernel panicked earlier, and I’ve been trying to fix it since about 2 AM. I’ve got a headache, and I’m a little tired, but I wanted to fix it. Now I’m finally sitting in bed (posting this from my netbook) and hoping that it’s done by the time I wake up. Honestly, it’s probably already done, because my desktop has a lot more power than my netbook does.
On the netbook, it took me a day to compile Chromium. That was fucking retarded. I started it at 8 AM one day, before I went to sleep. I woke up at about 4 PM it was still going. When I went to sleep at 6 AM the next day, it was still going. All I know is that was 22 hrs, so I’m assuming it took about 23-24 hrs (at least I hope that’s how long it was). All I know is that compiling shit on this little netbook, just takes forever. So I’m glad I have everything I need on it.
In other news, I have a few projects I’ve been working on, and I’m excited about that. I’m trying to buy a physical server that I’d host from my house, the only problem is that it’s 8,000$ USD. And if you know anything about me, I’m extremely poor. So I’m hoping I can get that.
I haven’t been doing much. On Monday I have my last final, then I’m done with the semester. The teacher calls me Sebastian, even though that’s not my name. I have no idea where she came up with it, and I correct her every time, but she still calls me by that name. At first, it was funny. Now it’s getting annoying. Also, no one in that class knows anything about anything. Well, as least pertaining to Linux. That gets old, because the sad thing is that even the teacher doesn’t know anything about Linux. And she’s the teacher (it’s a Linux class). It’s annoying. But either way, I’m happy to be out of school for the summer. I’ve gotta find a job, or do this thing one of my IRC friends told me about. I should probably look into that more…
I have had a lot on my mind lately. Also, before I forget, me and that girl stopped talking, which is cool. I don’t really care, but seeing as this is an update of my last month, I figured I’d mention it. Anyway, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, mainly pertaining to my future. I’m not completely focusing on my future, but sort of. At least, it seems sort of normal. I just am kind of worried about myself, more or less. I guess that’s a bad way to put it. I’m not worried about myself, just had my future on my mind more so than usual. I’m not worried about the future, I just wish it were here. But I know that if I go through this time, and stay in the moment, when everything happens, (i.e getting married, having kids, making money, etc. etc.) it will mean that much more.
I am pretty content with everything right now, actually. At least with my life. Everything going on with Gentoo is kind of making me mad, but ya know that’s life. I don’t really know what else to write right now, so I’ll leave you with this screenshot of my netbook. (Click image for fullsize, as usual)
You always find somewhere to wander off when I need you around.
Well, I don’t really know what to say. I guess I just kind of want to ‘vent’ some thoughts, more or less. I’m not totally sure, we’ll see where this post goes.
Basically today I came to the realization that I want to start skating again. I got back on my board a few weeks ago and I can still kickflip and do the occasional 360 flip. And some basic tricks. I landed two frontside flips, a few backside flips and I can still do shove-its. Front and back. Switch too. Lol. So we’ll see how that turns out.
It’s been a long time since I would go out for at least 8 hours and skate. I really miss it. I had so much fun. I had a few people I’d skate with, we all had a falling out over the years. I was always into computers, but when I moved out I just kinda stopped skating. It really sucked. I still think skateboarding is cool. Used to be pretty decent at it too. Those few videos didn’t really do me any justice, just had fun making them with the people I’d skate with.
I figure if I can get out and skate even if it’s only for maybe an hour a day, I could get it back. I guess the one thing I’m kind of worried about is I’ll lose interest in the projects I’m working on with the computer. I love computers and Linux so I doubt that will happen, but something in the back of my mind. We’ll see, though.
I remember when I was younger I’d always go to the skatepark, every Friday and Saturday. Skated all day. It was fun. Thinking about all the years, growing up with all those kids. Now we’re all grown up. I lost contact with quite a few of them, still talk to a couple of them. It’s just so weird…we were so young and now we’re grown up. Some of them are am skaters riding for some companies, one of them is pro. It’s just so fucking weird. Time flies…life flies. It can pass you by in the blink of an eye.
I remember all those kids I grew up with. I’m glad most of them are still doing really well. The ones I do keep in contact with are both doing really well.
Weird how life turns out sometimes. Reminiscing is fun. I definitely want to start skating again though. Maybe have some more fun. It won’t be the same as it was in Michigan, I don’t think it will feel the same at least. One thing that was good was the free skateparks, and not having to wear a helmet. I hate wearing helmets. I know what I’m doing, and I know the risk I’m taking. I don’t need people telling me I should wear one. I’ve smacked my head a few times, broken a few bones. That was half the fun!
I still have a crack in my ankle from a fracture a few years ago. Well, more than a few years ago…more like 2006. So six years ago. That gets in the way of skating too, but I push through the pain.
I really need to get some new shoes, I found some that are 44$ but plus tax+shipping&handling it comes out to like 60$. Which I only have 30 cents in my bank account (oops). So hopefully I can get some money this week and get some new shoes.
In other news, working on an IRC bot. All written in php. I know php, but I’ve never written a bot before. I have a base from my friend convict, so at least I don’t have to start it out on my own. I just need to figure out how to get it to load modules and things. I’m going to have to talk to him. Right now the bots name is ‘testbot’ because one, I don’t know what to call it, and two it can’t really do anything yet. We’ll see how it turns out. It’ll be kind of fun to work on.
I’m also working on another project, that I won’t get into right now. Once it starts going on more. I need to work on that a lot more though. So we’ll see how that all goes. Once it’s no long ‘under construction‘ I’ll let you all know more about it.
As for my netbook, I actually broke it so trying out Funtoo is kind of on hold for now. Gentoo still running strong on the desktop, except I want to update my kernel but lo and behold, after
deathstar anakin # emerge -Du world
Calculating dependencies… done!
>>> Auto-cleaning packages…>>> No outdated packages were found on your system.
deathstar anakin # emerge -s gentoo-sources
Searching…
[ Results for search key : gentoo-sources ]
[ Applications found : 1 ]* sys-kernel/gentoo-sources
Latest version available: 3.2.1-r2
Latest version installed: 3.2.1-r2
Size of files: 76,360 kB
Homepage: http://dev.gentoo.org/~mpagano/genpatches
Description: Full sources including the Gentoo patchset for the 3.2 kernel tree
License: GPL-2 !deblob? ( freedist )
So as you can see, nothing in that bitch about a new kernel. Which is weird because everyone I’ve talked to is up to 3.3.0 right now. Annoying. If I search with eix it comes up, but not with this. Even after an emerge –sync. So we’ll see. I’ll have to figure it out.
In other other news there is apparently a bug with Sabayon.
sabayon anakin # equo deptest
>> @@ Running dependency test …
>> @@ These are the dependencies not found:
>> # ~net-p2p/transmission-base-2.33
>> # Needed by:
>> # net-p2p/transmission-gtk+-2.33-r1
>> @@ Installing available packages in 10 seconds …
>> No packages found.
sabayon anakin #
A user in IRC came across this, so I tried it out in the virtual machine I have of Sabayon, as I do help out there on Freenode (#sabayon). So we’ll see how that all turns out. I installed mine from a Sabayon 7 LXDE iso and upgraded to 8 with the 3.3.0 kernel (everything seems to be up there except my machine D:<). So I'll have to check in with that later on.
As for now I've gotta get some sleep. It's already 7:30 and I haven't been to sleep yet.
I feel fine enough I guess, considering everythings a mess.
So let’s start this off with what I’ve been doing all night.
About 3 months ago my brother asked me to fix his laptop, or at least salvage what was on the HDD. Well, this was a lot easier said than done. The whole laptop sucks. I figured if I could get it to charge, I could just throw what he wanted on a flash drive and be done with it, take out the harddrive and do something with it.
Well, this did not work out as the thing is so shitty that it can’t even hold a charge. Doesn’t even recognize that there’s a charge in it. So onto plan b…
What I ended up doing was taking my moms little netbook (she’s going to kill me if she wakes up and realizes I’m doing this) taking out the HDD (thank God it uses a 2.5″ HDD just like the laptop) and putting my brothers harddrive in it. Then I am using a Sabayon 7 LXDE flash drive I had lying around to use as an environment (can’t swap harddrives and expect it to work) and then mounted the HDD and now we’re in business. Putting everything he wanted onto a flash drive and then I’ll figure out what to do with the HDD afterward.
As for me, a friend of mine suggested that I try out Cinnamon. The fork of Gnome 2 for Gnome 3 from Mint. I tried it in it’s beginning stages on Sabayon a few weeks ago or so, it wasn’t really grabbing my interest, but he said that it’s improved over the last few weeks. Well, the issue is I’m getting blocked packages on Gentoo, because I forgot that I had Gnome 2 installed on here. So trying to install Cinnamon which brings in Gnome 3 (at least gnome-base) is a nightmare. Took me forever just to fucking update the system. Which of course in turn, took forever to update.
So now after waiting all night for it to update…I’m trying to actually install Cinnamon. Which I doubt I’ll ever use (more of an XFCE person myself). But I figure I may as well try it, I guess it’s not that bad (according to my friend).
Just been thinking a lot lately, have had a lot of time to myself, haven’t talked to anyone really in a few days. Talked to my brother and Heather, but that’s it. They live here, so it’d be weird if I didn’t. Been hanging out with my cat, and playing Skate 3 on the Xbox.
I don’t really know what to write about. Been stressed out, still feeling stuck. I guess I’ll figure everything out eventually.
While we’re on the subject, could we change the subject now?
I don’t know where to start this, as usual. I don’t even know what’s on my mind right now. Just kind of annoyed and frustrated with people.
I don’t even know right now. Just been missing Tim a lot lately, been missing Lindsey, too.
Lindsey is a good friend of mine. My best friend. We’ve been friends for a very long time. We used to be extremely close, and now we’re not. The last time I saw her was a few years ago, but I don’t really remember when that was to be honest. The time I remember was a few years ago, when I was 17. She came to visit Michigan and I made it an object to see her. We hung out till about 2 or 3 maybe even 4 AM.
It was a good time. We saw a movie, she met some of my friends, at least friends at the time, and it was the first time we saw each other for a long time. That was almost 4 years ago.
I would have to say that Timmy and Lindsey I’ve known the longest. Lindsey is easily closest to me. She knows more about me than anyone I know. She was there for me in some of the hardest times in life. Which I appreciate her a lot.
Either way over the last few weeks life has had it’s fair share of ups and downs for me. I won’t say it has been easier, or harder. It really hasn’t changed much. Life is just being life, but I’m trying to look at it from a more positive way. I don’t really know what to say. I’ve just been so lonely, yet I push away the people I’m closest to. Well not all, I’m not really sure what happened with me and her, just all the sudden weren’t close any more. It really sucked. But anyway, I tend to push people away. Not sure why, just do.
Wouldn’t be surprised to end up alone some day.
Kill the messenger, I swear it’s not me it’s just someone I used to know.
I’m writing another post because well, I’m really upset right now.
The one person I’ve been relying on to be there for me, well we’re not talking right now, and I’m kinda worried that we may just stop all together. Which would really fucking suck honestly.
Right now, in my life, things are hard. I’m stressed out, I’m upset, I’m just…I don’t even know. Just feel like shit. I really wish that person would talk to me, but like I said in my last post, I can’t control what other people do.
I can’t really describe exactly how I feel right now. The best way I can is just that I feel like shit, which I already said.
I guess I don’t really understand what happened…things were fine and now they’re not. Maybe it’s my fault…probably is. I tend to drive people crazy, and I’m hard to be with/around.
I will say this much, I am sorry. I wish that my life was a little bit easier right now, I really do. I hope you know that I do care about you a lot, and honestly it’s killing me that we’re not talking. I don’t even know if you’ll read this, or if you even care.
I know you don’t know how to help me, no one does, you shouldn’t feel bad about that. I just wish you knew how much I care about you, if there was some way I could show you that I would. I know I could just talk to you, but if you do read this, I feel this is the only way I can get through to you right now. You don’t have to even acknowledge this if you don’t want to, I just need you to know that things are just hard for me right now, but to just give up, you or me, wouldn’t solve anything. And I do honestly believe that talking about things, isn’t going to make me feel better. It’s not going to solve my life’s problems either. I just need you right now, and you’re not here. It fucking sucks.
So I hope you’ll forgive me for being a jackass. I try not to be, I really do. Sometimes it just happens, and I’m sorry. I’ve got these mental illnesses, or whatever you want to call them, that cause me to do things that I wish I didn’t do. I can’t tell you how much I wish I could change that, but I can’t.
I just hope you realize that you mean the world to me. If you didn’t I wouldn’t have even written this post for you. And yes, to you. I would never do this for anyone else, I don’t care enough to. So, in short, talk to me or not, but not talking to me is killing me.
And here we go, there’s nothing left to lose.
Well, as another day comes and goes I still have not talked to anyone.
I realized that if I don’t talk to people first, well then, I don’t talk to anyone. Tired of striking up conversations with everyone…relationships, whether they be romantic or platonic, take work from both sides, but what happens if you’re the only one putting any effort? It gets old after a while.
I’ve decided that people know where to find me and if they wanted to talk to me, they have my number, they have me added on Facebook, they have my screen name for a number of various chat protocols. So if this is the case, shouldn’t people sometimes strike up conversations?
I’ve been feeling lonely the last few days…more lonely than usual. I don’t want to go out and hang out with people, I just wish someone would talk to me. I don’t even care about what. I just want someone to talk to me and tell me about what’s going on with them, tell me why we haven’t talked in a while, tell me whatever. Just talk to me. I’m tired of talking about myself.
I don’t know why, but people really want to know what’s going on with me every once in a while. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to know that they care, but then all of the sudden that’s the only thing we talk about is me and honestly, I don’t really like talking about myself, or what’s going on with me. I’ll say this much, it’s going to be the same answer everytime.
Friend: hey what’s new?
Me: nothing really
I mean, really. I don’t do anything. I guess some people can’t really get it through their heads.
I don’t know. Just get tired of being lonely sometimes. Just wish someone was here to talk to. Remind me that everything is going to be okay in the end, but instead don’t have anyone right now. That’s usually how it goes though, so I guess I’ll just have to deal even though it sucks.
The friend I have that stole the car and money, apparently he stole $700 and probably already chopped the car. If, and possibly when, he gets caught, he’ll have 5 felonies against him. I’m worried that he’ll end up dying before he goes back to prison, but I mostly just feel bad for him. To feel that desperate that you could potentially end up dead or in prison…it just sucks that people have to feel like that. That people actually feel that low. I feel bad for him. I feel bad for his parents.
I don’t see why everything seems to suck so bad right now. For everyone. Well, for me and a few people I know at least. I can’t say I know for everyone because I haven’t talked to certain people in a few days. I guess that’s what they want though, and I can’t control their choices. The people I did hear from in the past week though, everything just seems to suck. I’m getting really tired of life being…well, life. Just wish that things could just get better. I understand having to work towards what you want, work for happiness, whatever you’re searching for, but really, sometimes life could cut us a little slack. But, that’s the thing about life; it never really cuts you slack. Because in the end, life is just life, and the world will not stop spinning when things go wrong. It just keeps going and going, so what’s stopping us from doing the same thing?
Everyone has bad days, I get that, I have bad days myself. But, when things go bad, sometimes you just have to accept it for what it is and move on, because there’s nothing else you can do. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck, and it doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days. It just means that when all else fails, move on.
The last few days, all I’ve really done was write those two guides on Funtoo, and play Xbox. I’ve been playing Dirt 2. This racing game. Essentially, you’re a rally car racer. It’s fun, though. I wonder if I could be a rally car racer…
In the game though, I have $7,239,225. Yes, seven million dollars. I really could use some of that, in real life. That would be cool. I wish it worked like that.
Been thinking a lot about Timmy, lately. I really miss him. Sometimes I wish he was still here, but he’s not. And even though I may never get over his death, I know he’s at least happy now. He doesn’t have to deal with all the bullshit here anymore. I feel bad that he felt that low about his life, though. I wish there was more I could have done for him. His mom always tells me that I did my best being the best friend I could be to him, but still. I should probably give her a call soon.
I’ve been trying to write on this blog everyday (can you tell?) because I just, I don’t know, really. I just feel like if I’m not going to talk to some people, at least they can rest easy knowing what I’m doing. Wish I could say the same, but I figure if I was really that important they’d let me know how they were doing.
Either way, I just want to write on here as much as I can. I may not do daily posts, just whenever I feel like writing. I’ve had so much time to myself the last few days, and being alone with my thoughts, I’ve had a lot to write about, I guess. I never really know how to start these out though.
After obtaining a server, and running Unrealircd on it, I feel like there’s really no point. It’s just me in there. IRC is my favorite way of communicating, it seems like the safest, but I don’t know why people don’t come and join it. I’ve put it on my Linux blog, but still no one ever connects. I’ve had a few people here in there. I’ve got one person who idles in the #lobby. But it gets kind of lonely.
Oh well, though. Life goes on. Maybe I’ll get some more people in there eventually.
Most people don’t really like using IRC, or really know how. I mean, it’s okay, I can understand that. And I am on another server, my friend who goes by sleep. I’ve been on there for about 4 years now. That was the first IRC I ever joined. Well, it was just Brandon’s back then, but then Brandon and sleep linked servers, so I’ve been connecting on sleep’s. Still no one really talks there either. Mainly people just idling. That’s cool though, every once in a while people talk, just not really recently. I don’t know.
Life goes on, I suppose. Enjoy another video of me and my friends skateboarding, just been looking at stuff from a while ago. This one is almost 4 years old. Skip to about 1:10 for the skateboarding to actually start.
You gotta find a way to survive cause they win when your soul dies.
Can’t sleep.
Well, to be fair I haven’t tried to sleep yet. I’ve just been sitting at my desk staring at the screen doing nothing.
I did find out some interesting news though…A good friend of mine from Michigan decided it would be a good idea to steal another friends car, and then proceeded to steal $480 from another friend. Apparently, this all went down last night. So that’s really cool. Glad to hear nothing has changed back home.
It’s been a long day. I don’t even know what to think about anything right now. Probably won’t be talking to one person for a few days, although nothing new there.
I don’t know. Maybe I over reacted, or maybe the stress is getting to my head, or maybe I’m just crazy. I don’t know. I don’t really want to get into it.
Been feeling like a pretty big loser, lately. Anytime I try to talk to someone about it they tell me I shouldn’t talk like that. It’s just how I feel, never said it was true. And honestly, I feel like if they were in the situation I’m in they’d feel like a loser, too. So therefore their argument is invalid.
I don’t know, schools stupid, seems like a waste of my time. People just annoy me lately. Not everyone but generally speaking. Been driving around a lot lately, just driving listening to music, doing whatever. Smoking cigarettes and thinking. That’s pretty much all I do. I think a lot. It gets kind of old after a while, but I don’t know any different.
Talked to my mom about my life, and she feels bad for me, which in turn makes me feel bad. I don’t want my mom to feel bad for me, in fact I don’t want people to feel bad for me at all. It’s not their fault life is stupid, and them feeling bad for me is not going to change anything. But yeah, was talking to my mom about everything. She doesn’t know what to do with me (surprise surprise), in a sense of she doesn’t know how to help. No one really does, and I get by just fine on my own.
Just wish I could get out of here. I really just need a break. I need to get away from everything, not just a vacation, I need to get away permanently. And I don’t mean killing myself or anything like that, I mean moving out. I just need to move out and start my life. That would make me happy, in case anyone was wondering.
Call it running away, call it whatever you want, I don’t really care. All I know is I need to get out of here, and just do my own thing.
I haven’t fixed a computer in almost 4 months. It’s getting annoying. If I could fix a computer, just one and make some money, I’d have my confidence back. But haven’t even gotten a call. Some guy called me and told me that I could “work” for him, turns out he wanted me to go door-to-door to get customers for some ISP. Nope. At 5$ a month per customer? I’d walk away with nothing. And he also said I couldn’t put him down as a work reference, because it’s an independent job. Cause ya know, that makes sense.
I’ve just been really upset lately, and when I do talk about it with people, they just get upset with me about it. So I need to either
- Act like everything is okay
- Pretend everything is okay, or
- Find someone that will listen and not get upset with me.
The only reason people get upset with me is because, right now in my life, I have a negative attitude. I’ve kept a positive attitude up for years and as soon as I start showing signs of negativity everyone gets upset. That’s bullshit. I keep going, and keep going, and keep going, and keep going, etc. etc. and people get upset when I’m tired of it? Acting like my life has been great up until recently. Not a fucking chance. My life has not been easy, but I have kept a positive attitude about it for years. I’m fucking tired. I don’t know. Life goes on, right?
Anyway this is a comment someone left me:
Just wanted to say thanks lol. I have been using Linux for a long time. Been using Gentoo for a long time. I was using Sabayon for a while, because none of my computers could handle Gentoo, i.e compiling simple packages would take more than a day. Compiling an internet browser took 3 days. So Gentoo for a while there was a no go.
This is my current setup. Pretty simple. Gentoo 3.2.1 kernel, with XFCE as my environment. I love XFCE lol. After Sabayon went the route of GNOME 3 I was not happy. So made the switch after that.
Well, that’s all for right now. Too tired to keep thinking about anything. Too stressed out. Time for me to smoke a cigarette and try to sleep. Would be nice to have someone to talk to but whatever.
I’m going to send a little rain your way.
I’ve been sitting here for about two hours trying to figure out what I wanted to write about.
Right now quite a few people are either upset with me, mad at me, whatever they are, I know why some are, I don’t know why others are. But life goes on.
It’s been a very long few days. I don’t even know. I have midterms in school coming up next week, not going to study, don’t need to. Been trying to figure out some ways to make some money, but ya know, life somehow manages to get in the way, yet again.
Had to re-register all my channels on my IRC today, which was annoying. Well there’s only 3 channels that are active, seeing as no one but myself goes on there.
There are days where I get really lonely. I mean, not having any friends and barely talking to anyone can get kind of lonely, but I’ve managed over the years. I just go into my own world, I guess. Learned Linux, learned some programming and then after that I was set, never really had to keep in constant contact with the human race. I mean, I get lonely, but I’m hard to get along with, I know I am. I don’t like people, so that gets in the way a lot. My brother gets mad at me because I don’t want to go out and eat at restaurants with all the people around. Just not my favorite thing in the world.
I don’t really know. Life is just fucking stupid sometimes. I’ve been so stressed out lately, but lo and behold, everyone I know just makes it worse. I’m not surprised, people can’t handle me. They think they can, then things get kinda bad for a little while, a rough patch if you will, and well, I haven’t talked to anyone since yesterday. It’s been over 24 hours since I’ve talked to anyone basically. But whatever, like I said, life goes on.
I just need to get out of here, and then I’ll figure out the rest on the way. Honestly, I’m unhappy being here in California, I want to be away from here. But again, life happens, and I have no money. So looks like I’m stuck for a while. Oh fucking well.
Enjoy this video, it’s a few years old, almost 3 years now.
Fun with Funtoo Part 2.
So after we set up Funtoo we might want to add a new desktop environment to the mix. This means installing Xorg and, in this case, XFCE.
If you followed the last guide of installing Funtoo, you should already have your VIDEO_CARD set to what you have and your INPUT_DEVICES set as well.
First thing to do is makes sure that the “udev” is in your USE flags. We’re going to set these in /etc/portage/package.use. After that we’re going to install xorg-server. Just emerge it.
funtoo anakin # echo “x11-base/xorg-sever udev” >> /etc/portage/package.use
funtoo anakin # emerge xorg-server
After that’s done X should work out of the box. You can run this command though to make sure it works. This will configure X for you, and set a new /etc/X11/xorg.conf for you. Need to copy it in though.
funtoo anakin # X -configure
funtoo anakin # cp /root/xorg.conf.new /etc/X11/xorg.conf
Now, we will set our sights on installing XFCE.
You’re going to want to add some USE flags to /etc/make.conf, I would reccomend USE=”-gnome -kde -minimal -qt4 dbus jpeg lock session startup-notification thunar udev X”. So we’ll just edit that add the USE flags.
funtoo anakin # nano -w /etc/make.conf
And now we are ready to install XFCE. Just need to install the meta package. Best to use the options -avt. I always have installing XFCE on Gentoo, and on Funtoo. It will tell you some USE changes are necessary, use the –autounmask-write option. Then you will have to run an etc-update then emerge XFCE. Might as well just run the –autounmask-write option first.
funtoo anakin # emerge -avt xfce4-meta –autounmask-write
funtoo anakin # etc-update
funtoo anakin # emerge -avt xfce4-meta
Then sit back and enjoy yourself while this installs what you need. It’s around 170 packages, so you just periodically check on it. Unless you have a fast processor with decent RAM, this will take a while.
Once it finally finishes, run another env-update.
funtoo anakin # env-update && source /etc/profile
You’re going to need a terminal as well, so go ahead and install that next. And if you want XFCE to run at default when you run startx then you need to run this command as well.
funtoo anakin # emerge x11-terms/terminal
funtoo anakin # echo “exec startxfce4″ > ~/.xinitrc
If you want XFCE to run at boot add xdm to rc-update.
funtoo anakin # rc-update add xdm default
* service xdm added to runlevel default
If you want a display manager, you can use anyone you want. You can use xdm, you can use SLiM, you can use GDM, or KDM. Just remember to set what you want in /ect/conf.d/xdm. We’ll be using SLiM for this tutorial. You can configure SLiM to automatically start XFCE, just add it to /etc/env.d/90xsession.
funtoo anakin # emerge -av slim
funtoo anakin # nano -w /etc/conf.d/xdm
funtoo anakin # echo XSESSION=\”Xfce4\” > /etc/env.d/90xsession
Then run another env-update and you can reboot, or just run startx it’s up to you. I will be rebooting.
funtoo anakin # env-update && source /etc/profile
funtoo anakin # reboot
Then you XFCE should start up on boot from now on.
Then you will obviously have the login screen from SLiM, just log in and then you have XFCE running.
If you want to add some programs, you can. I always go with 4 main programs on a fresh install. Irssi, Xchat, pidgin and chromium. I also add a few XFCE things, such as screenshooter, volumed, etc. If you want to find everything you want, just search with portage for xfce4 Anything else I need I’ll install later.
This is very simple to get.
funtoo anakin # emerge irssi xchat pidgin chromium xfce4-screenshooter xfce4-volumed
Hope this helped some people, I know some of these things can be a pain in the ass. Anyway, look out for more in the future.
Happy compiling!
